Paul Oyer, an economist at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business is the author of “Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Economics I Learned From Online Dating,†published last month by Harvard Business Review Press. Through his own experience, Mr. Oyer became intrigued by the economics at work in the online dating marketplace. His book explores how knowledge of economic concepts can help narrow Cupid’s aim. Mr. Oyer’s personal strategy turned out to be a winning one: he met his current partner online.
Paul Oyer Paul Oyer, an economist at Stanford, has written a book examining how economic principles apply to online dating. Below are Mr. Oyer’s responses to readers’ questions on Economix and through Twitter about the economics of the online dating marketplace.
Q.I would like to know how to tell how large a pool a site has without joining. I like the idea of the more targeted sites but there is often not as many possibilities. â€" Katherine Randolph, Mill Valley, Calif.
A.Your instincts are very good - you need to go to a “thick†market where there are more options. A niche site will only work if there is a large enough set of people who care about that niche so that the site to attain critical mass. I tried a tennis dating site and a site for dog lovers. There are sites for vegans and just about any other group you can think of. But most of these sites are not catching on. Niche sites only work when the niche has two properties - a lot of people have the relevant characteristic and the characteristic is a deal breaker for a large number of people. As a result, there are thick markets for older people, Jews, Christians, and other groups. But there are not enough tennis players who care so much about tennis that they will restrict themselves. I recommend sticking to a large site unless there’s a really good reason not to.
Q.I am a 52-year-old woman and using a big dating site and still having no luck. I am not unattractive, but slightly overweight. From looking at some of my friends’ profiles, I know there is a lot of exaggerating on dating sites. Is it a good idea for me to describe myself as athletic and in my 40s rather than being honest about my weight and age? â€" Edith, California
A.I would never tell anyone to lie, Edith, but I will remind you of two important and relevant facts. First of all, a lot of your competition is lying (about age, looks, and other things). Second, because other people are lying, people think there is a good chance you are exaggerating even if you are entirely honest. This is because, as they say, talk is cheap and people have incentives to tell lies.
But you cannot take it too far because then lying is no longer in your own self-interest. “ReadingBetweenTheLines†in Seattle had an interesting (sarcastic) suggestion to your question, “Why stop there? Describe yourself as a 30-year-old triathlete and put up pictures of swimsuit models.†But you cannot do that because, if your lie is too big, it will be noticed immediately and your date will leave (many first dates are interrupted in the first few minutes by a “family emergencyâ€).
Do what you think is right, Edith, and good luck!
Q. A.If everyone had an honest and well-written profile, then people would be able to use their time online more efficiently. But as long as many people don’t do that, making your own profile perfectly honest won’t solve the problem. People will assume you are exaggerating. Dating sites could solve this problem, as they do on a few sites outside the United States, through verification. But that is very expensive for the sites and would change the online dating business model substantially.
Q.I have had no luck with online dating. I’m a man in my 40s. Few women respond to my messages, I am not interested in most of the women whose profiles I see, and I have little in common with the women I end up dating. I think I’m going back to meeting people other ways because at least I know a lot more about them much quicker. Is there something I’m missing? â€" A.D.L., Santa Barbara, Calif.
A.I’m sorry your experiences have not been more positive. There are likely to be people for whom online dating is not a good fit. But there’s another possibility here. Remember that, when people read your profile, they take in the information you give and they also make assumptions about the things you do not say. In economics terms, online dating is one big game of hidden information and “statistical discrimination.†I would have someone else look at your profile - preferably someone who does not know you very well. Ask that person what assumptions he/she is making about you. To give you an example, my girlfriend had two pugs (ugly little dogs with flat faces) when we met. She did not mention the dogs on her profile and, if she had, I probably never would have contacted her because I would have assumed that anyone who had two small dogs was exactly like my image of people with two small dogs. Lucky for me, she saved me from letting statistical discrimination and false assumtions ruin my dating experience. That may not be your problem, A.D.L., but get an objective view of your profile just in case. And keep trying - you have to be in the market to succeed in the market!
Q. A.I think there is a lot of truth in this, as per my answer to the last question. If you meet someone in person, you may make fewer assumptions than when you view a profile. This also gets outside economics - I bet social psychologists would have a lot to say about this.
Q.While I have never tried any online or speed-dating activities, I have the notion that it is time-consuming to meet over only one person. I have better things to do, say exercising, reading and meeting other interesting friends. How should one balance taking the risk of having a bad first date and betting his/her love life through other means? â€" Joey, Hong Kong
A.Indeed, Joey, finding a partner is time-consuming. Your question explains why economics is also known as the “study of scarce resources.†In the case of dating, the scarce resource is your time. You want to find a partner because that would increase your “utility†(happiness). But you will not spend unlimited time doing it because you also have to do all those other things. You should expend the costs of searching for a mate only if those costs are outweighed by the expected benefits (in terms of future happiness). For me, online dating was a very efficient way to find a mate. But if you run into other single people with similar interests in your daily life through work, school, church, or the like, then there’s no need to go online. You want to go where the market is thick so you can “shop†(ugh, sorry) efficiently.
Q.What’s the best way for a 50-something woman (in good shape, employed) to position herself to attract men her own age? I don’t want to date a much older man (I’ve paid my care-giving dues). And I don’t want to have to lie about my age in order to “reel ‘em in.†I don’t believe in starting off a relationship with a lie. What are my best options? â€" CD, California
A.I’m afraid the economist’s perspective on your situation is a bit of a downer, CD. The numbers really begin to work against women once they hit about 40. Because women live longer than men and (I’m just speculating here, but I think this is true) men are disproportionately willing to remain single, women your age are in ample supply and not-so-high demand. There are lots of single women in their 60s for every man in his 60s, so many of the single men in their 70s are able to find women in their 60s and so on down the age range. Given your assets (good job, good shape), you can find the right man your age but you really have no choice but to keep at it - there is no easy way when the numbers are against you. Use multiple dating sites and be patient.
Q. A.Great question, though you have to be a bit creative to make a dating supply and demand curve. Traditional supply and demand curves have “Price†on the y-axis but prices are not relevant in dating. One way to approach this, and this ties back to the previous question, is to create a graph with the number of eligible people on the y-axis and age on the x-axis. Then draw one line for women and one line for men. If you could draw such a graph for your specific market (the city you live in or all areas you are willing to live), you might get some insight into how patient you should be.
Q. A.There are some purists out there who still believe online dating is a place for “losers†who can’t meet a partner the old-fashioned way. But based on my own experiences and a recent study by psychologists that reached the conclusion that “online dating has entered the mainstream, and it is fast shedding any lingering social stigma,†I think those people are rare now. Let’s hope so!
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